We Were, We Are
by tannersnemo
Summary: Miley loves Lilly and has loved her all these years, too bad she never told her friend how she really felt. Character death! Femslash thoughts and feelings, MileyxLilly. You've been warned. Complete!
1. We Were Fifteen

**A/N** - I wrote part of this last night and finished it up today, I rather like it. It's kind of angsty though, but that's how I've been feeling lately so oh well. It's like this, the top part will be Miley's memories and the bottom is obviously Lilly's diary reflecting on the same memory. Hope it's not too confusing, and oh yeah implied **femslash** thoughts.

Also, I put a T rating, but if it should be higher because of character death then just let me know. Thanks.

**Disclaimer** - I own nothing to do with Hannah Montana and if I did, no worries I would never make this a plot. It's more like a read to learn thing.

**We Were, We Are**

We were fifteen and it was a normal day at the beach. Oliver had gone to get drinks, leaving Lilly and me to talk together. There was a moment then, when her hand touched my wrist. It stayed there longer than it should have and I felt the sparks it sent through my fingers and back up through my arm, causing my heart beat to pick up pace. I looked up at her from where I layed in the sand, and I couldn't move when I realized her lips were closing in on mine. I couldn't even breathe, when I felt her breath on my mouth, us breathing in each other's air as it was meant to be. Our perfumes mixing, rose petals and vanilla.

But Oliver came back, and she pulled away. He didn't even notice that he ruined a moment that could have changed our whole lives. And it was never brought up again, but I always thought about it and what might have happened if Oliver had just stayed away for a few more seconds.

I can't help but think about it now.

----

Dear diary,

We are fifteen and we went to the beach today. Oliver really is a doughnut, he ruined everything. There was a second when I thought I was going to kiss Miley, when I thought she might have kissed me back if I had managed to make it to her lips. But he came at the wrong time, as always, and I pulled back. I'm such a chicken, why didn't I just do it? Should I have done it, though?

I mean, is it so wrong to want to kiss your best friend? Your best female friend..? I don't think so, but Miley didn't mention it again. I know she knew what I was going to do, the way my fingers lingered affectionately on her wrist as I leaned in, we were so close I could smell her rose perfume. She didn't say anything about it, not even when I went to her house that night. I guess she just wants to forget about it, but at least she's not mad. I guess that's something...

Lilly.

**A/N** - Incase you haven't noticed, I got the name from the first two words of the beginning of each part. We were is Miley and We are is Lilly.


	2. We Were Eighteen

**A/N** - This is the second memory, diary entry, and chapter.

**Disclaimer** - Still don't own them or the show.

**We Were, We Are**

We were eighteen and it was prom night. She was going with some boy, I can't even remember his name. I didn't even notice his hair and eye colour, how they reflected mine. I was furious with myself, for not telling her. But I wanted her to be happy, and I wanted to be there for her, even if I couldn't be with her. We danced and laughed all night, with our respective dates. I stole glances at her, she looked so amazing that night.

I remember when she first stepped into the room, through the very double doors I had stepped through moments before. The bright light behind her shone against her periwinkle blue dress, giving her an aura that took my breath away. I remember my date looking at me funny when I gasped out loud as she seemed to glide across the room, not stumbling or knocking something down as she usually would.

We didn't go home together that night, like I wanted us to. We went our seperate ways, with our seperate dates back to their houses for what we knew would come. I pictured Lilly the whole time, as my date clumsily and painstakingly took away what I had been saving for her. It was over before it started, and while we laid on the couch as he watched some sports game on television, smoking a cigarrette, I thought about her and how different it all would have been if I wasn't so afraid.

----

Dear diary,

We are both eighteen, and it's prom night. I went with Blake Johnson, and not because I like him. But because somehow he looks like Miley, with his brown wavy hair, and aquamarine coloured eyes. If I closed my own eyes real tight and really tried, I could almost feel as though Miley was the one kissing me. Miley went with some guy, it seemed last minute and I don't even know his name. We danced and laughed with our dates the whole time, but on the inside I was anything but happy. I stole little glances at her all night, she took my breath away. I wonder if she saw me come in, I didn't find her until a few minutes after Blake and I arrived.

After the prom, we both left with our dates. I went to his house and held onto my tears as he made love to me. I kept my eyes on his brunnette hair, trying to imagine it being Miley's. But I just gave up after I looked him in the eyes, they may have similarities, but Miley's eyes are so much more than his. After he was finished I left, I stayed up all night crying because I knew Miley wouldn't have hurt me like he did.

Lilly.


	3. We Were Twentynine

**A/N** - Third memory, diary entry, and chapter.

**Disclaimer** - Still own nothing.

**We Were, We Are**

We were twenty-nine, and she was getting married. She was getting married, and it wasn't to me. It was to Oliver, and I could hardly stand it, I could hardly sit there, and stay still.

All I wanted to do was stand up and scream, "You marrying the wrong friend!"

But that would have caused a scene, it would have shown her how I felt, it would have ruined everything. So I kept quiet, a smile identical to Lilly's plastered on my lips, and noone could have known the tears leaking from my eyes were for loss, not for happiness of my best friend's wedding.

----

Dear diary,

We are both twenty-nine, and I got married today. I love Oliver, but through the whole ceremony I couldn't help think I'm marrying the wrong friend, I'm with the wrong one. I looked at Miley, her watery blue-green eyes shining in such happiness for my big day. My own tears, I'm afraid to say, weren't for the great happiness I thought I should be feeling. I was at a loss, why can't I just be right and fall in love with Oliver?

Maybe because I've already fallen in love with Miley. And I just hope I can hold myself together when and if she ever gets married. I don't want to ruin our friendship and her life just because I have feelings for the wrong friend.

Lilly.


	4. We Were ThirtyFour

**A/N** - Fourth memory, diary entry, and chapter.

**Disclaimer** - Still own nothing!

**We Were, We Are**

We were thirty-four and they were getting a divorce. Lilly wanted it, because Oliver cheated on her with a twenty-something year old. I hate him now, I didn't even say goodbye to him when he left. He had her, he had Lilly, he had a family, kids, a life, and all with her. How could he throw that away? I would have given anything to have been with her and to have had what they had, not that I had much to give.

I never forgave Oliver, not for that. Not for breaking up the trio, not for marrying Lilly, and especially not for hurting her. I remember Lilly cried so hard, and I remember crying too. How could I not, it broke my already shattered heart to see her in such despair.

I got to see alot more of her though, and the kids. No more nights alone in my run-down apartment. Lilly asked me to move in with her and her two little girls, and it was one of the happiest days of my life to accept.

----

Dear diary,

We are both thirty-four and I got a divorce from Oliver. He really did cheat on me, but I also couldn't stand being with anyone other than Miley. I stayed for the kids, and Oliver and I basically lived like friends. We even slept in seperate beds, so I guess I can't blame him for finding what he needed outside our home. But it doesn't make me any less angry. He left anyway to live with that twenty-something year old woman he had on the side, and I don't even care. He didn't ask to see the children anymore, so I took full custody.

I cried so hard that day, not because he left, but because I wasted those years with him when I could have spent them with Miley. And yet, I still can't tell her. I have my daughters to live for, Miley wouldn't want to share them with me. They're not hers.

But I did ask her to move in, and I was so surprised when she accepted. The girls love her, and I think now that she loves them, too. I don't feel so lonely anymore, I'm actually happy again.

Lilly.


	5. We Were FourtyTwo

**A/N** - There's no diary entry for this chapter, it's just Miley thinking or telling the story. However you want to see it. This story is basically how you want to take it, as the reader, and what you want to learn from it. If anything at all.

**Disclaimer** - And still own nothing. --

**We Were, We Are**

We are fourty-two and I don't think I've ever cried so hard. Lilly was in a car accident two weeks ago and she died two nights later. I'm at the service now, with her two children. It turns out she appointed me their godmother, so if anything were to happen to her I would gain custody of the girls. If it was anybody else, I would be furious at them for making such a decision without telling me. But it's Lilly, and I can't stay mad at her. I never could, not for long anyway.

Sitting in one of the pews at the very back, I hang my head down, and I can't stop the tears that fall. I can't hear the service that's started, Lilly's voice ringing in my ears. I can't see the people who step up to the podium ready to deliver their speeches, Lilly's scribbled words memorized by my eyes.

I pull little Miley and Hannah closer to me on each side, with Lilly's diary sitting on my lap. I can't believe I never saw it, why did I refuse to see that we felt the same? We could have lived our lives happily, we could have been together. She named her children after me, and I still didn't see it. It took finding her diary after she died to realize she loved me as much as I loved her.

I still love her, and even while I feel like a shattered shell with nothing worthwhile inside, I have to stay strong and live to see her two girls grow up. I'll teach them right from wrong, tell them stories of their mother from when we were growing up, and I'll make sure to tell them that no matter what, if you love someone, and really love them, to follow your instincts and tell them. I'll leave out that I should know, because I'm a living example of what could happen if you don't.

Don't be like me, don't wait until it's too late. Don't wait until you know how they really felt but, like Lilly, they won't know how you felt all those years. Maybe that's what really hurts, that Lilly never knew how much I really loved her afterall.

**A/N** - Kind of sad, but I know people who have a problem with telling their feelings. And I'm one of them, I'm just not an emotion sharing kind of person, but I'd rather not end up like Miley or Lilly in this story. Don't you think? It never ends, there's always some girl in love with her best friend. Again, been there, done that. Maybe we can stop being so afraid to tell whoever, whatever it is we need to tell them before it's too late.


End file.
